I can’t quite believe the power and possibilities within such a “short time-space”. I came with no expectations, yet clear intentions and desires. I have been blessed out of the water. I share with you some of my creative retreat experiences, and awareness pieces that arrived with the vision that it lands as it’s meant to, in service to you, me and all life!
I had been feeling restless, unsettled for about two weeks. Not unhappy or lacking magic or joy. Simply, it felt like my attention was being pulled in a million directions, I was indecisive and frustrated. I started disconnecting from Keagan, my flow zone kept getting interrupted and I knew what I was being called to do.
I knew I needed to be ALONE.
I needed to go “lone wolf”, in a space devoted to my clear communication with spirit and creative flow. The Lions Gate Portal window had opened and the feeling intensified… I could feel this need to be in my own space. I started searching for an Airbnb, quickly drawn to one of them. I put off booking, checking other options, and of course came back to the first. Dragonfly Studio in Kenilworth. A horse was the first image. Horses had become one of my power animal guides the past month, for the first time I fully engaged with those in my street. Moved to tears multiple times by their elegance, grace and majesty. My crow messenger came in stronger again, appearing and cawing multiple times a day, jumping on the roof above, in oracle cards, pictured all over the blanket of a new yoga student. Alignment, renewal, rebirth, unconscious to the light.
As I sit here typing, they are cawing.
The moment I’d committed, my energetics started shifting and uncanny occurrences unravelled more. My attunement to the details increased. I left my orgonite pendant at the sound healing event I’d attended the night I booked… the one I’d worn everyday since I acquired it 2.5yrs earlier. I didn’t even notice until she messaged me. Received the Arrow card at yoga that morning - "call in extra protection". One participant said that was her prayer for the world this morning, that we may all be protected.
I’m smiling now as I sit on the porch, crows coming closer again, and I’m wondering the age-old question that passes through my consciousness many times a day, “how exactly am I meant to be serving for the greatest good of all?”... “Is writing and sharing this story part of my service to humanity and all life or is it the message from the story?” … “can I be seen to not know the answer?” … I smile again, feeling into the irony of it all. The answer I keep getting is “Let there be light! Love! Truth! Joy! Celebration!”
The morning before I leave, I bump into so many familiar faces. When I mentioned “I’m going to Kenilworth”, many times I saw eyes light up and heard “oh so beautiful there!”. I race around the opposite side of town and purchase a new Boss RC 505 mkII loop machine and a bunch of other supplies. I get back, pack rapidly, hug and kiss my family and leave just “on time” to make it to the Airbnb by check in cut-off.
I was listening to Aubrey Marcus’ podcast with Caitlyn Howe on the topic of “Unlocking The Miracle Frequency” and it completed just as I pulled up at the studio. My heart was already overflowing with gratitude. Grateful that I got to listen to their stories, pure and unfiltered, and the abundant amount of synchronicities, speaking of facilitating ecstatic dance, holding sacred space, presenting poetry, producing music… all of which I am doing. It felt a calling to deepen into my devotion.
And as I say this, tears flow. This is becoming more frequent for me, I’ll call them “heart-burst-moments”, where I simply feel into the magic of life and my heart bursts open to love and gratitude and the tears flow. I am now pondering and grinning that every “tiny” unfolding in life could be a never ending story or book in itself. Like gazing out at the vast variety of trees or zooming in to a single leaf, or listening to and documenting the cacophony of bird song or the droplets of rain. Like contemplating what I was thinking in that exact moment that the crow cawed, why my womb was pulsing stronger, day 4 of my bleed… feeling that I am on the precipice of uncovering a deeper truth and that through writing and being in the now moment, I am opening a clearer doorway to the divine.
And I feel you with me too, because time or past-present-future is just a construct of humanity. Divine timing is all happening now, so as you read this story in the present moment “future”, it is influencing this story now. This story is not mine, it’s ours, it’s co-created. All is connected. In the now moment. Energy is infinite and to be here together now, consciously, is a miracle. I’m reminded of reading, “The Power Of Now” by Eckhart Tolle in highschool and doing my persuasive speech on it. What a pivotal experience that was for me as a 16 year old.
A bush turkey came to say hello, sees me, runs away gobbling. Nature and
animals always desire to support us, and be a part of the co-created story. What is worth sharing or not sharing is up to our perception and judgement. I believe letting the present moment weave into the story allows for divine remembrance to be amplified, for our sacred co-creation to be fully honoured and respected. And I believe that’s what we’re here for, to live in harmony with all that is. The sheer depth of magic, synchronicities in a moment of life is truly mind-boggling.
It’s time for another pot of tea.
There was no one here when I arrived - ALONE. Gratitude. I began to take it all in, ebbs and flows of tears. I noticed the storm lilies in full blossom, thinking “oh it must be going to rain”, a statue of a woman with a crown topped her head, “queen, sovereignty” I thought, the crows cawing, the abundant grapefruit tree. An old, rustic door, two faces made of up-cycled “junk”, inside was a delicious blend of old and new, retro and homestead vibes, combining all elements - metal, wood, glass, I have always imagined living in a house merging elements. Quilt of my favourite colour, burnt orange. I planted my bare feet on the Earth, sun beaming on my face, and met the horses. Heeding the whispers of the waters, I journey on. I find aquamarine pools within the pristine creek. Teardrops fall, I gift some of my menstrual blood. I cannot get over how deep, clear and aqua these waters are.
I’m equally ecstatic to have arrived, and I’m exhausted,
with a headache. The first eve, I eat dinner, drink tea by the fire, have a dangerously good hot shower and go to bed. I am met with the creative desire in the morning to write. This flows into looping creation and I’m in heaven. I journey to the creek for a swim and pull out my art supplies, creating a masterpiece before my eyes. It feels as if all of life is celebrating this slow creative flow.
Before I knew it was happening, it was happening. I’d dived into my dreams, realising their common thread of showing me the shadows and fears still lodged in my psyche. Resting my hands on my womb and heart, I breathed, sinking down. Feeling the stirrings of discomfort, old patterns to be uncovered and ways of being shed. That’s when the crows landed. Right outside my window, cawing so loudly. I won’t even pretend to understand the depth of their medicine and gift, but what I will say is that I asked a lot of questions, received a lot of answers and shed a lot of tears. They flew away and began a more nurturing tone, and I felt their fierce love. Giving the gift of awareness to the unconscious realms. Willing to journey with you into the darkness, to bring it to the light. Thank you crow, for journeying with me today.
A couple of deep dives…
More, faster, stronger, higher … do not equal better. There’s this program running, that has tricked us into believing that this is so. But if we pause for a moment, and feel into their opposites ~ simpler, slower, softer, lower ~ perhaps you feel some peace, nourishment, ease and flow? And so, the way out of the MORE game, is to simply stop subscribing to it. Be willing to go against the grain and create the new neural circuitry. It doesn’t have to be “this or that”, as that taco ad goes, “why not both?”. And this is where we’re at in humanity, is to honour ALL ways of being, as long as it’s serving Mother Nature and all life. Coming into balance, and for a time this may mean, leaning more fully into the slowness to counteract the busyness. Into the silence, to hear the whispers of your original heart and soul over the noise of the programmed mind. It’s always there/ here. This ancient wisdom. In the midst of your solitude.
Gifts, Talents, Superpowers, Purpose
Like all in nature, everything has its purpose. Humans have become so estranged from our original habitat that we have forgotten we are nature and our purpose within it. Monstrous buildings, bridges, complexes that we are so proud of and consider “progress and evolution”, if we stop for a moment, we realise they are the cause of our accelerated demise. Disease rates skyrocketing as fast as the skyscrapers. We don’t have any predators, because we’ve dominated them, killed them all off or barricaded ourselves from them. But the unfortunate reality for us, is that we became our own predators. Killing ourselves. When we remember our purpose in nature, being to participate in the harmonic and beautiful unfolding of life, then we can relax into the dance of it all. Then we can open to uncovering and embracing what our unique gifts are for this purpose. For this, we first need to be willing to accept that we have gifts for this purpose. Then we can let life mirror what our superpowers are, i.e. they could be realised with cues like, “you’re so good at…”, “wow, how do you… like that?”. Then if what is reflected lights you up, brings you joy, we can focus our attention and energy to live out these superpowers more in alignment with Mother Nature. That way, we can participate in living-enriching ways, rather than life-destructive ways. And we’ll be more than glad we did, we’ll be alive to tell the story.
Inspirations that desperately wanted to be fleshed out… not today!
If we’re not living our truth, what are we living? An empty-shelled version of us with no meat or substance.
I’ve been ping-ponging between maiden-mother-crone.
Pills vs. the original medicine, nature in her purity… even cacao, breathwork and plant medicine has become a drug, an addiction. Nature is the medicine, it’s freely available, to bathe in, if we allow it.
I notice my mind flipping from complete clarity in the moment to projecting into the future and overthinking. I am practicing my ability to maintain my focus in the now.
Dance in community, write in solitude.
Why are we so afraid to share what we really think?
I am indigenous, we all are. Indigenous to Earth.
I will be more brave with my writing, and share in ways that I feel is helpful and useful to our evolution.
Desire to control it all… be safe…
Become ENTHRALLED in the journey of knowing your own self so deeply… knowing who you are.
I dream big dreams, of thriving off creating sweet harmony with Mother Nature. Singing the songs of her streams, speaking and writing in poetry of her tangled roots, fresh shoots and vines reaching for the stars, dancing in the moment as it moves me and painting my heart's desires.
I dream for us all to remember and celebrate the beauty we each are, stripped back, naked and bare, without a moment of care if one is with or without body hair.
I dream for us all to remember our ancient wisdom, etched without bones before time, and our wild wolf ways, instinctively seeking solitude or socialisation, to be of greatest service to the whole family.
I dream for us all to remember our innocence, playing wild and free, in divine harmony with all that is.
I dream, and as the sun peeks through the cloud cover, I’ve got a jolly good feeling my dreams are coming true ;)
Solo Creative Retreat Poem
A simple cottage for one, please
I ordered from life’s menu
Where I can be all of me
With Mama Nature, Spirit and creativity
Ok, would you like a surprise with that?
Sure! I’ll take the lot!
An aquamarine swimming hole built for a mermaid
A pristine flowing stream, it's better than a dream
Out on the porch, I begin to create
First writing, then song on the looping machine
The rain sprinkles down, in sync with my tears
A million heart-burst-moments, more shedding of fears
In the crystal clear waters I retrieve my crown
Of freedom, innocence, sovereignty all before sundown
On the bank of the river, I fetch my art supplies
Whipping up a masterpiece before my very eyes
My energetics shifts, my senses more heightened
I see the world anew, my vision has brightened
Waking from a dream space, filled with shadows and old stories
I know it's calling, to dive deep, go exploring
Hands on womb and heart, the crows start cawing
Right outside my window at first light of the morning
The sound is so intense I drop into my unconscious
Uncover the missing pieces, pull them into the conscious
Crows they fly away tonight softer sounds
I feel deeply blessed by their presence here today
Touched by my guardians in a powerful new way
The writing comes faster, words stumbling over each other
Infinite inspiration from Great Spirit and my Earth Mother
And now I sit by the bank of the river
That I didn’t know existed until I came to her
Booked that simple cottage from life’s menu
Felt the call to be ALONE
Aching deep in my bones
Now I am here, a mere two days gone
In precious communion with where I’ve come from
I know deeper still to trust this inner guidance
For when we do, all life cheers in this one divine dance
Don’t delay. If you’ve been feeling restless, an edgy stirring that your soul is craving to have spaciousness, silence and to be alone… it’s because it’s true. The longer you question and wonder and make up excuses as to why you can’t, the longer you suffer and so does the energetics of the whole of everything. Selfish = selfless.
NO reception or internet, if possible. It eliminates the temptation for distraction, and we may not even realise how addicted we are to distraction. I know I was so grateful for not having access to it, another level of freedom and clarity. If not, turn your phone/ devices off, or flight mode.
Simple is best, immersed in nature. Accommodation that is basic, and with the least amount of frills, the better. Ideally with access to the natural order unfolding around you. A deck and a creek comes highly recommended. Trust your intuition.
Leave space for integration. Lean in to your creative self to create a way to express to your “home life” or “tribe” what your experience was like before you get home, so that you can properly honour your journey.
Length of time can vary. This one was 48hrs, but it could have easily been more, and I encourage you to tune into what it wants to be for you!
Thank you for trusting your inner guidance to tune into this heart-led sharing. That I've been able to create my website after months, and upload this post... speaks louder than words. I am truly excited for all that is yet to unravel... And perhaps, if a 48hr Solo Creative Retreat (or longer) is on the cards for you, too?
I love you
I love you
I love you
Ps. Please connect with me via here/email/ socials if you'd like to speak deeper to anything that's bubbling up for you.